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By Jenny Block
The way women’s bodies really work when it comes to sex can sometimes feel like the world’s best kept secret, even to women themselves.
When we don’t know the truth, we can get into the bad habit of shaming and blaming ourselves and others, when our bodies don’t seem to behave the way society has trained us to expect them to.
It can be really tough to have a satisfying sex life, until you have the facts. So, that’s why I turned to Dr. Carol Queen, researcher, writer, teacher and speaker, to get the lowdown.
Here she helps us to decode the female body with this true or false round-up of the top nine misnomers about women’s bodies when it comes to sex.
1. Myth: The clitoris is a magic arousal button.
Truth: While the clitoris IS crucial to most women's arousal and orgasm, every woman has different preferences regarding its stimulation. It's not a doorbell, and you can't just push it to be let inside! (Fun clitoral fact: The clitoris is not just that little organ you can find at the top of a woman's vulva -- it extends into her body like a wishbone, with legs at least 2 inches long, and all of it can be erotically sensitive because it becomes engorged and erect when aroused).
2. Myth: There's no such thing as a G-spot.
Truth: The Grafenberg Spot (named after Dr. Ernst Grafenberg) does exist, and it is comparable to a man's prostate. It's glandular tissue that surrounds the urethra and in some percentage of women it is indeed sexually sensitive, especially to pressure.
3. Myth: Every woman has a G-spot and should find it, or she won't have optimal sex.
Truth: The truth is while every woman does indeed have a G-spot, not every woman loves G-spot stimulation. For some, it's “Wow!;” for others, “Ehh;” and for still others it can actively feel irritating -- not a sensation to pursue for long, much less add to your repertoire. Plus, if she's not turned on when you get started, it's not likely to feel sexy.
4. Myth: Nipple stimulation is a must for getting a woman aroused
Truth: Some women LOVE nipple stroking, licking and sucking, and some can even orgasm this way. But other women really don't care for it at all, especially when you twist them like radio dials. You're not trying to get a signal from outer space, you know!
5. Myth: Women who don't reach orgasm during sex just have partners who don't last long enough
Truth: More than half of women (some studies say way more than half) don't orgasm during intercourse. In fact, more important than duration of intercourse for many women may be how aroused she was when it began -- which means all the sexy stuff that comes before intercourse may be the most important element. If you're going to worry about time, remember that minutes (or hours) spent on that kind of pleasuring is time well-spent.
6. Myth: There are secrets you can learn that will let you please ANY woman
Truth: While sexual secrets may well be worth learning, the only secrets that really matter tonight are the ones that matter to the woman you're with right now. Learn those preferences and responses and she'll consider you a great lover -- the tricks that worked on your ex (or that you spent money to learn in a Get More Girls seminar) may not be the things that float her boat, since women are individuals erotically as well as in other ways!
7. Myth: Pheromones are the key to her arousal
Truth: The nose knows, eh? While appreciating a partner's pheromonal signature (which you can't just sniff like cologne) may be a key element of attraction, that doesn't mean you can slap on some of that special after shave you got because you were reading the spam e-mails promising you success in bed. Those are often made of pig pheromones anyway, and you'd HATE it if she left you for Porky.
8. Myth: You’d be able to tell if she faked it for sure.
Truth: A recent study revealed that men thought their female partners orgasmed about 20 percent more often than they actually did. Apparently it’s common for a woman to fake her orgasm, and the very best way to know if it's happening is to talk to her intimately to make sure you know what truly works for her -- and then do those things! She won't even think about faking orgasm if she's having an orgasm.
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